chapter XI

Shilpi won’t stop crying. Our abbreviated wedding is taking forever as she simply cannot control her emotions. I know that at some point she’s going to vomit. What did I get myself into?

Our wedding is a very private affair and indeed it wasn’t very elaborate as far as Hindu ceremonies go. Shilpi’s family cannot spend much money and her parents and brothers are unable to attend as they are all in Bangladesh. For our part, only a few relatives as well as our neighbor, Mrs. Roy (Mini’s mother), have shown up. We don’t want Shilpi’s family to spend too much money, so we are not disappointed by the simplicity of the affair.

I must admit feeling somewhat unnerved. A man with a video camera keeps shining his blinding light into my face every few minutes. I occupy myself by taking in my surroundings and by making small talk with my uncles.

The apartment where we holding this evening’s ceremony belongs to Shilpi’s Aunt Manju and her family. The entire house belongs to her extended family and is called “Debnath Bari,” since they all have the same last name. Marrying outside their caste is highly unusual.

A good-sized lizard hovers near a tube-light waiting for a meal. I watch patiently until he finally snatches a meaty-looking dragonfly. I have to wonder if such a sight is inauspicious on one’s wedding night.

After finally arriving in her deep burgundy sari and the butterfly hair-clip I had given her, Shilpi sits next to me and the ceremony begins. We exchange garlands and I place the shidoor [vermilion] on her forehead, which is the equivalent of a wedding ring in the west. When the time comes for her to look into my eyes, she is completely unable to do so. Her aunt keeps placing her fingers under Shilpi’s chin to coax her head upwards. Finally, after a long while, she gazes upwards at me with heavy eyes.

Sitting down we receive the blessing of our elders and Shilpi’s Uncle approaches me with a small box. Afraid that he had brought some gift for me, I could feel my face flush with embarrassment. We had specifically requested that Shilpi’s family not buy anything for me as their situation in Bangladesh was precarious at best. Opening the box, the Uncle brings out a pitifully thin gold chain and places around my neck. It fits well and the slight weight feels foreign on my skin. I make a mental promise never to remove it so that I will never forget this night.

Picking up a sticky sweet-ball, I place it into Shilpi's mouth. With her mehendi-decorated fingers, she feeds me as well. Afterwards, we have our meal together. I eat heartily as everything is so delicious, but Shilpi can hardly stomach anything. I place a few bites into her mouth and that was all she would take. Finally, she excuses herself to wash and everyone is then served.

It takes some time before we manage to get Shilpi to leave her family’s house. As she walks out the door, her sobbing turns into hysterics. I can only imagine how overly dramatic it must look on the video.

As we pull away in the large jeep her uncle had rented, Shilpi cries uncontrollably as she cranes her head to look back until finally her family is out of sight.

After some time, Shilpi looks at me with the same heavy gaze. I don’t know what to read in those beautiful eyes, but I want to tell her so many things right then and there, although it was impossible to do in front of our elders. I place my hand on her forearm instead. Her skin felt cold beneath my fingertips. It only remains there a few minutes until she pushes my hand away. I am taken aback but I don’t say anything to her or even look at her for the rest of the night.

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chapter XII